Oz’s House of the Evil Dead

Welcome to the sixth installment of the EVE Blog Banter, the monthly EVE Online blogging extravaganza created by CrazyKinux. The EVE Blog Banter involves an enthusiastic group of gaming bloggers, a common topic within the realm of EVE Online, and a week to post articles pertaining to the said topic. The resulting articles can either be short or quite extensive, either funny or dead serious, but are always a great fun to read! Any questions about the EVE Blog Banter should be directed here . Check out other EVE Blog Banter

This month’s topic comes to us from Quintrala of Speed Fairy. She suggests to “write a short fiction story about the dissolution of the BoB alliance. It could be from BoB’s point of view, the Goons’, by neutrals in 0.0, civilians in Empire, NPCs or even rats. Write about before, during or after the coup; give us stories of market, war, people or love. In-character or roleplay. We want to know what happened, from those fictional characters that, in your mind, were part of it.

ergh, back to my RP days to do this one…

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My doctor told me I should write a diary, it’ll help me with ‘connecting to other people’. Apparently I don’t ‘interact well with others’. So here goes…

Another typical boring day. Monitors reading life sign levels within normal operating parameters. Check. Amniotic fluid nutrient content. Check. Temperature at 0.5 Degrees. Check. Slab of Quafe cans in the fridge. Check. Yup, another typical boring day.

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Finished reading all the screens. Bored again. Since no-one else is going to read this (except for you, doc), I figure I may as well put down some random thoughts in here. I tend to watch a lot of porn. Not because I can’t get a girl, it just stops me from going insane. Sure, I could watch something else, or maybe read some books, but I don’t need to follow a storyline in porn. I don’t need to think. It’s pretty simple, couple appear, get naked, woman does oral, man does oral, sex in 2 or 3 positions (possibly including anal), then the man ejaculates on the woman (face or breasts typically). Of course every so often that progression changes a little, maybe as a surprise a toy gets thrown into the mix, but essentially it’s always the same. I can see the parallel in my job. I check the readings, I watch some porn, I go to sleep. Every now and then it gets exciting and I have to help a Haargoth clone out of his vat and listen to his gibberish about how his ship stopped responding at a crucial moment and all he saw was black.

Why do I do this if I am so bored by it? I ask myself that almost as a daily ritual. It pays well. Really well. Those self styled ‘gods’ of the universe are essentially trusting their godhood to me. Well, only one of them nowadays. Without me, Haargoth would have had to maintain his own clones or leave them up to the corporate clone centres. Those centres are pretty good, I used to work in one, but you get treated like cattle there. When Haargoth asked me to maintain his personal cloning facility I jumped at the chance. Triple the pay, more time off, less stress. How could I not agree to that? So here I am, on my own in a small medical facility watching porn, it’s ‘Gallente Girls Gone Wild’ today, I grabbed it off the Galnet as apparently you get to see Jade Constantine’s nipple.

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Today was exciting, I mixed Quafe with some imported Dodixian Rum and threw in some limes. I call it a Market Crash. Maybe I’ll open a bar once this contract is over and make a fortune selling them to under-age Gallente girls.

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What the fuck is going on out there? I lost Galnet access three days ago and have no idea what is happening. The facility’s main doors have been sealed and I can’t get out of here. I mean I can survive for a while with the medical rations here, but I’m getting pretty sick of reheated Amarrian stew with peas. It looks like a Slaver Hound ate a Matari child and threw it back up half digested.

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Ten days now. I’m starting to really freak out. No contact from anyone. What’s really making me scared is that Haargoth’s clones all disconnected from the system. I’ve only ever seen that happen once before. Back in ‘pire when I was working for a small mining corporation. One of the poddies joined another corp and all his clones disconnected from the system. No word from Haargoth. I have a really bad feeling about this. The rations are starting to thin out too. I’m down to Jin Mei Chicken – the spices are making me go to the toilet a little too often for my liking.

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The computer systems rebooted today. It seems to be a new security system, something called KenZoku. I can’t log in to them any more, so now I can’t even watch my porn. Haargoth’s clones all got disconnected too… well, the vats still seem to work, just the clones themselves are disconnected.

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It’s been almost a month now. I ran out of food yesterday. The power cut out this morning. The clones are starting to smell already. The pad I’m typing on is almost out of batteries, this will probably be the last entry unless someone opens these damn doors. I mean there’s not even windows for me to try and get out of. I tried to climb out through the air ducts, but there was a laser sentry system in place about a hundred metres in. I wonder if I would be this scared if I had a clone for myself somewhere.

I guess this thing might act as a Last Will & Testament  if someone ever finds me, so I’m leaving my bank accounts and all assets to whatever Mercenary Company is willing to hunt down Haargoth and kill him and as many of his clones as they can. Fucker left me here to die, so here’s me saying a nice big ‘Fuck You’ from beyond the grave. If any isk is left over, it can go to my sister. How’s that for ‘connecting with others’?

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Blog Banter Participants:

• Speed Fairy, The Hand of BoB
• CrazyKinux’s Musing, No where to go…
• A Mule in EVE, Rolling to the Warzone
• The Ralpha Dogs, Two Tales of Glory and Honor
• One Man and his Spaceship, Times they are changing
• The Wandering Druid of Tranquility, Who the Hell are They?….
• I am Keith Nielson, He Gave Up the Stars
• Life in Low Sec, Six Degrees of Seperation
• A Merry life and a Short One, Die Bard
• Roc’s Ramblings, Mythology
• Dense Veldspar, EVE Blog Banter #6
• Letrange’s EVE Blog, A toast to the disolution of BoB
• Fumbling in Space, Scarnan Vs The Fleeing Bankrupt Hordes